It has been a while since I mentioned my little word. Truth be told I am still struggling with this whole process but I’ve been thinking about this subject for weeks now and even though it isn’t tied in directly to the class and my word I think I should write it down because it is nattering inside my brain and in the spirit of listening I am, so here goes.
When I was little I couldn’t grasp the idea that decisions you made didn’t have to be forever. Let me explain.
You embrace change and decide to go and live in the country. Bham! That’s it, you’re gone to the country and can never be a city girl again. Or you go and live abroad and after a few years want to come back but you can’t because you decided to go and live in France and that’s that, or change jobs and that’s it forever, decision made no going back.
I say I thought this way when I was a child but really I still do.
I am not a fan of change. It scares the dickens out of me. My brain runs riot about all the negative things associated with change. How will I cope with something new? Everyone will know how useless I am. I’ll never understand anything about this new computer.
Yes, there are serious self-confidence issues here but also I think, a huge lack of understanding of the bigger picture in life and a lack of understanding of myself?
Of course I can change jobs and if I don’t like it I can look for something else. Or Gav and I could go and live in the country, we could always come back to the city. Nothing is set in stone.
I’ll say it again because writing it down might make me believe it. Nothing is set in stone.
Being brave, having confidence, taking a chance is something I work on perhaps not often enough but hopefully by documenting it here I can keep working on it.